If it’s anything that grinds my gears it’s when someone says unless you’re married you can’t give marital advice. I beg to differ… A lot of you may know of someone suffering in a marriage but will be quick to tell you to give up on your relationship. Valentine’s Day can be the best day for someone and the worst for another. Honestly if you’re in a relationship this shouldn’t be the only day you feel special. To my single people it’s a day to celebrate also. If only you knew what one was dealing with you’ll be thrilled to be single. Get your friend’s together go to the spa or to dinner. You don’t have to be envious of the couples that are happy. Heck be happy for them and bless their union. When trying to figure out how to tell a 40yr story, remember not to give up. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. If the fire dyed out light it back up. All it takes is two people willing not to give up. You need someone who completes you. So this blog I stepped out the box from what most of you what might be used to. I asked a few people to sum up their situation and everyone is anonymous. Why? Believe it or not it’s always an outsider that feels like they know your story better than you. So to anyone that might’ve known someone and had their opinion they can kiss it good bye -Blogger

Single

What does being single mean? I think to myself, maybe I am single because I’m too fabulous to settle, am I just waiting for God to bring me the man of my dreams or is it because there are still things I’m meant to accomplish as a single woman! These must be the reason why I am single. The truth is I don’t know exactly why I’m still single. I’m starting to come to a better understanding of why but for the moment it’s still just a shadowed and blurry truth that I’m struggling to make sense of. That simply being ME isn’t enough. I am 31 years old, although still young in some people’s eyes, I sometimes think my time to find someone is running out. It’s not like I can’t meet men but the men I meet aren’t the men I would actually consider being in a relationship with most of them either being too young and the ones that have financial stability want a women who they can control. When I look for a relationship, I look beyond physical attraction. I think we need to distinguish between being in love and being in a relationship. Some people have both, but I suspect that a lot of people are in a relationship without being truly in love, whether they know it or not. Society says I should want to be chasing this idea of being a part of a couple. But honestly I am perfectly happy being single. It is uncomplicated I don’t have to appease anyone else. I am free to do whatever I want and when I want. I’m responsible for my everyday living, my luxuries in life, my way of living and my own happiness. I think nowadays there is too much expectation on being part of a couple. I now come to a point where I ask myself, Why should I chase that? When men are so intimidated by a successful woman and are unwilling to compromise. I have yet to find the promised “man of my dreams”. You are often quizzed as to the exact reason you are single, as if it is an abhorrent state and you must be depressed or suicidal. Life doesn’t always work out the way we planned it. This doesn’t mean I’ve given up, I simply refuse to settle for less then what I deserve. -Female 31

Married

Marriage is honorable unto God; I have been married for 33 years to one man and one alone. Now that’s a sacrifice. In order to have a good marriage, these things are important: communication, trust, and love amongst many other entities. Because of my husband’s and I spiritually, God is the head of our marriage. I believe without God being the foundation of our marriage we have nothing. Marriage is not easy it’s something that gets better as you grow and learn together. In 1998 a tragedy took place. I had a bad accident at work that would change my life forever. I slipped at work and injured my ankle, knee, and back. The doctor told me I would never walk again. With two kids in my mid 30’s and being a loving wife, it felt that my life was over. I told my husband to leave me because I would not be able to do my wifely duties as well use to “wink wink”. My husband was a youthful handsome man in those days (as he still is) and I didn’t want to hold him back from living his life because I knew that sex played a great part in marriage. He looked at me and said, “Women are you crazy?” “When I married you we vowed to one another to stay together for better or worse, sickness and in health until death does us apart.” After stating this he looked me in my face and took me by the hand and said: “I don’t want anyone else. I want you, we are in this together”. From that day on he took care of me. Many things happen which lead me into a year of depression. But my husband continues to pray with, and for me. I was told that I would not be able to work anymore doing what I love which was teaching children. But my husband said, “That is fine if you can’t work, you just can’t”. We continued to pray and trust God. It was many times I wanted to leave because I couldn’t do what needed to be done as mother and wife. “who wants you like this” I thought. The same man I didn’t find attractive in the early 80’s is the same man that God lead to me. See the thing about God is he gives you the companion you need and not who want. When you allow God to choose your spouse he gives the missing pieces to your ribs and exactly what you need. I am truly grateful that God placed such a strong man in my life, and I am also thankful that God has to be the foundation of our marriage so much that we have stayed together. My husband is my lover, best friend, and he is my guy. -Female 56

Engaged

We have been together for 10 years. He proposed to me after last year on Valentine’s Day. This year Valentine’s Day we will be tying the knot. I knew he was the one because he gets my crazy. We’ve lived together for 4 years, what made me say yes? I just could not see myself devoting my life to someone else. My high school sweetheart, my future baby daddy “hubby”. Watching my parents’ marriage I realized exactly what I did not want in my marriage. There was cheating, domestic violence, verbal abuse and no love. What they were holding on to, I don’t have a clue. So when God sent me my real life teddy bear something completely different from what I have known from growing up, I stayed. Granted things are not perfect but there’s love, happiness, and two willing people to make it work. -Female 25

 

Divorced

The heart wants what it wants. But how much could the heart really take? I thought I was ready and I was set on my future. We started out great to my knowledge but I must say I was naive and yes Love is blind. No more than a year into the marriage I was shocked by certain actions that I never witnessed. Getting calls FB messages seeing pictures of your husband on other women timelines. When you know we made vows. Listening accepting lies after lies, and me being young n naïve I believed it. Hearing family’s friends trying to warn me of the signs but you so blind to see it yourself. Fast forward to 2yrs later now it’s getting intense. Now I’m comparing myself to every women that I see or I think he is or was in a relationship with. I started to blame myself lost faith, and feel ashamed of my failing relationship. Being caution of not really showing my emotions. Close few married friends that did know about the situation advice made  me stay longer then I wanted to but he was my husband and no other women would come into our relationship and ruin it . That’s what I thought! –Female 32 married 5yrs

 

Separated

Marriage is a covenant ordained by God. The commitment is the union. There are times in a marriage when you have to decide if you will accept your partner’s indiscretions. I determined that if I accepted his behavior, I had to give up who I am. To be betrayed in marriage is similar to a death, it touches the core of which you are and almost discolor your outlook on life. I would have died if I stayed. I am currently estranged from my spouse, but during the separation I found my truth (within) and strength. During the emotional turmoil, refrain from making life changing decisions; such as divorce and division of property. Do not destroy your financial stability in a hasty emotional decision. –Female 65 Dated 9yrs Married 17 altogether 26