You can go through life with a void when missing a parent. So if you had both or even had the opportunity to meet both count your blessings. My father passed before I was born. The bond between a daughter and father is unreal. I just know I would’ve been daddy’s girl. That was stolen from me.
The reckless acts of violence. When I see my peers losing their kids father my heart goes out to the kids. I know the feeling all to well from experience. What do you expect a single parent to do not move on. My mom had to do what she had to do. She married an illusion appeared one way when she was around. He was a different person when she wasn’t.
Imagine being 5 and your step dad telling you to go suck your dads bones in his graveyard. (Not nice right?) Well story of my life. That marriage didn’t last long. If that could come out of his mouth. You should know the beatings he gave matched his words. Now I want you to know everyone knows how in love my mom is with her kids. So his cruel ways could only surface when she wasn’t around. Even though it would be his words against mine. I had scars to prove I wasn’t lying.
At a young age I knew certain life circumstances might make you end up without your sperm donor. When I was pregnant with my son I told his dad the only reason you would have to be an absentee parent is to be dead or in jail. Well he held his end of the bargain for the second part. Bitter baby mama yes that’s me.
Let’s be clear what bitter means
Bitter-(people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment
You think you can take all the feelings and stuff them deep down somewhere. Well that doesn’t work you have to deal with them. One thing you can’t control is someone else’s action. I kept quite because I knew you were a reflection of me and my decisions. My 20 something year old self would’ve never knew you wouldn’t give a shit 8 years later.
It’s to many people that can understand or relate. This wouldn’t hurt so bad if your son didn’t know how it felt to have had you for a little while. Who would’ve thought someone could be out of sight out of mind with their child. I’m thankful for my twin brother. He works 6 days a week and on every off day it’s mandatory he have our son. Not because he has to have him but because the bond they have he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sincere still said mommy that’s not enough. I can’t call Uncle Mark dad. Give me a dad, I want a dad, and I’m left bitter. No, I’m pissed I can’t give my baby what he has already. I’ve never had to bash the father of my son. If I ever had to vent I never didn’t do it around our son. After so many times of him telling him I’m on my way and not showing up. His dad gets to make his own bed. I don’t have to tell our son anything.
His soccer season God let him out in time to catch his last game. In this world you only have your word and balls. Things happen we all get that. Making empty promises hurt. (It was like watching the episode of Fresh Prince when he asked his uncle “why doesn’t he love me?”) I could still tear up if I watched it right now. He woke up like it was Christmas Day. My daddy is coming to my game. He told his aunt you don’t have to come my dad will be there. He told his whole team my dad will be at my game. “9am mommy why won’t he answer his phone?” “Baby I don’t know it’s early he’s probably sleeping.” 10am, 11am to be honest I think he called every 30 minutes until he fell asleep. Now you call to say you won’t make the game. Just please cut off your dick.
Yes, for something so minor. The build up is bigger than a soccer game. I had to be there and comfort him. My baby said “I’m hurt mommy and I said everything will be alright.” I’m bitter though! It’s not always about being with the other individual. Co parenting is a beautiful thing once anyone could get past their selfish ways for the kids.
We were young shit happened fast. The only indication I could’ve had that I made a bad decision was he didn’t claim all his kids. With #9 on the way and only 31 I ask myself what’s the point, if we just leave them out here to fend for themselves. I know I can’t predict the future. One thing I’ll never do is close the door. As much as I want to play like he’s dead so no more empty promises can be sold. I know that’s not my position. I pray that God will make me stronger and give me new ways to comfort our son.
They say a woman can’t raise a man. I’m thankful for our support system. He gets to see men be men. I’ll show him how to treat a lady. Preach the importance of an education. Give him free will to be whoever he wants to be growing up. When we were married I took a man with 7 kids in total. Kids are a blessing and for me as long as a person gave their kids consistency life was good.
“Our kids need to see character, courage, conviction, and integrity.”
I made a lot of mistakes in my life. My biggest blessing was my son. In a few years he’ll understand why I couldn’t replace his dad. One day daddy might grow up, even if its not for Sincere but for the sake of all his other kids. I’ll keep throwing footballs around with our son. I’m hands on and very active anyways. They say your not rich until you have something money can’t buy we’re a living testimony to that.
From a young age Father’s Day was celebrated different for me. Never would’ve wish the same for my son. The perfectly imperfect world we live in. So if you see a bitter baby mama know not all of them want to be with the daddy. Some well this one has moved on and is very happy. The only thing that hurts is watching the child hurt. No candy or toy store can heal that.